Dear Parent,
As much as you like to think you make the rules, you’re just fooling yourself — at least when it comes to the playroom.
When I come to town, it’s “game over” organized bins, clean walls, and fully dressed dolls. A new sheriff has arrived and I have a fresh set of laws.
- Thou shall not look at, or talk to, me whilst I am smashing my tiny truck into my line up of LEGO® DUPLO® bricks. I don’t care how cute I am — I will demand a snack, a snuggle, or a viewing of my favorite animated characters if you break my play flow, yo.
- Don’t even think about trying to change my diaper while I’m working on my washable crayon masterpiece on the wall. Oh, and who bought washable crayons? Boring.
- Are you cleaning up my toys while I’m still playing?! Thou shall not touch my toys whilst I am organizing them into chaos. And why do you think I have any desire for my stuffed animals to go in one bin, LEGO® DUPLO® bricks in another, and dinosaurs in a basket with horses? What kind of world are we living in?!
- I shall be allowed to snack while I play, smashing my banana on the heads of dolls, with a sprinkling of crackers. Toys get hungry too, Mom.
- All toys must be dumped out all at once. That “one at a time” business is not for me — and quite frankly is absurd. How can I make believe that a tornado has ripped through my world of 13 stuffed animals, 57 LEGO® DUPLO® bricks, half-piece of moldy grilled cheese I found behind the couch, 16 pieces of crayons, and one million trucks, if you tell me to just play with one toy at a time? Absurd. All or nothing.
- There will be no mention of naps, bath time, or quiet time when I am playing. If there is mention of this while I am in play mode, I will stir up a tantrum so mighty I will make that tornado from rule #5 look like a cake walk (whatever that means, I just hear you say it a lot).
- The one and ONLY time you can interrupt play time is if you are indeed going on a cake walk. I would like to experience that please.
- No tower shall stand for longer than three seconds. You’re welcome to join me in tower building sweet parent of mine, but be prepared for ultimate destruction.
Any parent caught breaking these rules will be subject to a later bed time, an early wake up, and extra dessert (for me, not you).
Love,
Your Tiny Cherub
P.S. You didn’t know I could spell so well, did you? It’s all that free-play time you give me. Hugs and sticky kisses!
